


Unspoken

by writtingonthewall



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/F, F/M, Multi, Rape/Non-con Elements, very little fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-26 10:08:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21967600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writtingonthewall/pseuds/writtingonthewall
Summary: Following the ending from the Last Jedi: Rey needed time to sort through her thoughts and come to terms with the drastic changes in her life. She had been running and fighting for months, never stopping once to let reality sink in. Now that it was, she was drowning. The resistance had been cut down. Luke was gone. Rey, like always, would have to find her own way to the force, and to Ben Solo. Meanwhile, Kylo Ren deals with the fallout from his contact with Ren and the death of Snoke. Can she save him? Will he choose her?
Relationships: Finn/Rose Tico, Kylo Ren/Original Female Character(s), Kylo Ren/Rey, Leia Organa/Han Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 8
Kudos: 31





	1. The Morning After

**Author's Note:**

> Hello All! This takes place between the Last Jedi and The Rise of Skywalker. It is intended to keep in line with the movies and to stay in the general realm of the semi cannon Reylo. Ive taken some liberties with the storytelling. Fair warning, this is not for the faint of heart. Always check my notes, I will post trigger warnings at the top if the chapter gets into anything serious (rape, self harm, ect.)

Cold silence. The force buzzed around her, light and life flowing through the overcrowded millennium falcon as they hurdled through space with the last hope of the universe crammed into tight compartments and climbing over each other just trying to get comfortable; but she couldn’t feel it anymore. It was like the part of the force that connected her to him had snapped under the pressure and took the rest of her world with it. Rey closed her eyes, again, letting the darkness sink in around her, reaching for the balance that would wash over her and take that last image of him away.

The connection had been shaky the last time she had let him into her mind as she boarded the Falcon with the remainder of the resistance. She could feel his rage, like a storm. It slammed into her, into everything even though it was directed at nothing. He felt Luke slip away. He lost the rebels. He lost Snoke by his own hand. _He was coming undone. He held out his hand for her. She walked away._ But it was the betrayal in his eyes, the lost little boy from Luke’s memories, staring up at her as the ramp closed that haunted her.

It was the moment she realized they would never truly be enemies.

No matter what atrocities he had committed, she had seen his soul in the force. A lost boy, failed by his parents, his master. A lost boy who made all the wrong choices, did all the wrong things because he was hurt, and no one had stopped to make it right. 

Snoke may have built the bridge between them, but it was Kylo that flung the door open to her in the throne room, letting her in so that she could see him with no filters, no shields. They had fought in unison, dancing around each other as if there was nowhere else in the world that they belonged. That was it, that was everything. Two minds, hearts, bodies, souls melding into each other. The fighting lasted minutes, the exhilaration hours. And then it changed. She chose to split the saber instead of taking his hand. And so, It was Kylo that sought her out even as he chased the last of the rebels to extinction. _Even after her feelings for her friends were mirrored in his own heart._ Even after everything.

She breathed and the world came down around her. In the carnage, she lost more than just the rebels. She lost hope.

It had been 2 days. She could still feel the impression of him, pressed into her. The darkest corners of her mind yearned for her to reach out to him again, to drink in his darkness. It was the same part that glided easily into place beside him, in the throne room. It was the part of her that wanted all the things she knew were wrong. It scared her, how quickly he had settled into her mind. And it was that fear that drove her to shut the doors on him. _The fear of what she might have to do_. They would never be enemies, and no one could know.

In the darkness, behind her eyelids that were closed tight, begging for rest, she could feel him pressing against the door. It was far away, on the edges of her subconscious, barely there. And yet, she could feel the storm that was still raging. He was so lost, so vulnerable. She wanted to reach out to him, to link their minds together in the force and quell the flames, tame the sea. A sob ripped through her chest despite her efforts to contain it.

A warm hand reached out to her, shaking her gently. “Rey…” Rose’s voice was a whisper. Rey rolled over and opened her eyes to see her friend lying beside her in the dark cabin. Even in the barely lit room, she could see the scrapes on Rose’s forehead from the battle that were still healing. On the other side of Rose tucked in on the ground less than a foot away, Rey could hear Fin’s soft snores. He hadn’t left her side since the battering cannon on Crait.

“Bad dream?” Rose asked. Innocent, oblivious to the struggle that was slowly consuming her. They hadn’t spent a lot of time together, apart from the last few days where they shared a bunk on the Millennium Falcon. But Rey knew her, envied her almost. Rose was stronger than any of them, and braver than all of them. Because she knew. She knew what she stood for, what she wanted, how she felt. And she turned that into courage. By sheer willpower, she saved the man she loved. She defied odds. She beat death. She woke the last Jedi in the middle of the night because she thought that Rey was having a bad dream and wanted to make sure she was okay.

Rey smiled. “Its all okay now. Thank you, Rose.” Rose gave a small smile in response, a squeeze on the shoulder, and sank back into her pillow, fast asleep. Rey waited until she heard her snore again before she got up, gently as to not wake her sleeping friends, and made her way out into the hall, bound for the mess hall. The halls were quiet and empty. She could hear Chewy talking in his sleep around the corner. The mess hall was more of a space set off on the side with a table, a chair, and some drawers and storage filled with food rations and plates and things. Rey had moved the sacred Jedi texts to a blaster box and stored it in an open wall panel she found on her first night on the ship after leaving Crait. She couldn’t sleep then either.

“What are you doing up, child.” General Leia Organa asked, appearing in the doorway behind Rey as she dug through the box.

“Not sleeping.” She replied with a defeated whimper, slumping into the wall behind her. The General took a seat beside her. Rey could see how tired she was, though she tried not to show it. She was scared. She was hurt. The loss of Luke and Ben reverberated in the air between them. “He’s not gone.” The words tumbled out of Rey's mouth before she had a chance to think about what she was saying. The need to put Leia’s mind to rest overwhelmed her and the words just fell out. Half true, half hope. The General’s face softened.

“We will win this war saving the ones we love, not fighting what we hate.” The General echoed Rose’s words from Crait, that she croaked out on what would have been her deathbed.

Rey turned them over in her mind, pulling her legs up into her chest. _I love him but…” I_ can’t save him.” She didn’t say the first part out loud. The words felt foreign and untrue. She didn’t know what she felt. She couldn’t put it into words. In so many ways, she was just as lost as he was. She was stumbling around in the dark, trying to piece her thoughts together. So much had happened so fast she hadn’t had time to stop and catch her breath.

And now that she had stopped, and time caught up with her, she was drowning.

“I haven’t given up on you.” Leia said. All at once, she was a mother and a General. All knowing. It was as if she could look right through Rey and know everything. Her voice brought calm to Rey’s raging thoughts. “Luke went to Ach’to for a reason, Rey. Perhaps the answers that are keeping you up at night can be found where it all began.”

“But, the resistance…” Rey’s voice trailed off. She didn’t have the energy to form a response.

“Will need time to regroup and rebuild. Just like you. We will drop you off in the morning.” She gave Rey a knowing smile, then got up and made her way towards the cockpit. Rey just sat in silence, too tired to move. Too tired to argue. Too tired to fight. She rested her head on her knees as the first tears she had cried since Starkiller, fell from her cheeks onto the floor.

*

Ach’to was grey, with hints of green, ravaged by the sea. The falcon hovered over the small island with its ramp down, brushing the grass. Poe, Finn, and Rose hugged Rey tightly as they stood by the entrance. Thirty minutes ago, she was woken up from fit fill, restless sleep, slumped over on the table in the mess hall, by a worried and still very badly beaten Rose who had Rey’s lightsaber in one hand and staff in the other. Finn stood behind her with her bag packed with clothes and some food. She knew that they couldn’t stay on Ach’to longer than a quick drop off. She hopped up, got ready, and said her goodbye’s. Leia didn’t say anything back, but she could see it in her eyes. _Come back to us. Come back with him._

She jumped out of the falcon, her feet sinking into the soft grass. Poe tossed her the blaster box of Jedi texts with a small, sad smile. He wanted her there with them as they rebuilt the resistance. They all did. But they knew, she had to process. She had to train. She was strong with the force, but they needed a true Jedi.

The road ahead was going to be hard. But the path behind them was paved with skeletons she had to lay to rest first.

The Falcon took off, racing for the outer planets to hide and recoup their losses. As they broke atmosphere, Rey felt as if part of her, the only part that knew what it wanted, left with them. She sat down on the box, looking out over the sea that churned and bashed against the island with a frenzy that matched her own.

For the first time since leaving Crait, she let herself feel into the force for him. She had spent the last few days pushing him away, embracing the quiet. _Grieving._ But now she turned her thoughts outward, finding him easily. He was just there, just outside of reach. She couldn’t see him, but she could feel him, and sense his thoughts. Something was going on, something that had nothing to do with her. She recoiled from his thoughts, images of storm troopers and Hux and blasters she didn’t recognize swam in her vision as she fought to pull herself out. He was a well, and she was falling into him, hard and fast.

‘Rey. Get out of my head.’ His voice came across as almost a growl. He hadn’t spoken out loud, but through the force itself. It was cold, and sharp. Like daggers made of ice that shredded her soul. It shocked her out of his head. She scrambled up, like a child being woken up quite violently from a dream. The connection was gone seconds later, leaving a gaping hole in the force around her. She grabbed her things and quickly moved them to the huts just over the hill.

The hole from her blaster had been fixed. Everything was exactly as she remembered it, except for the cloak that was folded and set on the stool in her hut. _Luke._ She stood in the open door, blaster crate resting against one side, her bag slung over her shoulder. Behind her, she could hear the patter of the caretaker’s feet as they came to investigate the new addition to the island. She looked over her shoulder, a long, sad look that the caretakers shared with her. No words were needed. They missed their Jedi, as she missed him. With a sigh, she stepped into the hut, the door closing softly behind her. She set her things down and crawled to the mattress, sinking her face into the pillow, fresh tears pooling in her eyes.

A presence in the force rippled behind her, the world going still. She didn’t move to look up into the brown eyes that were swimming with rage above her. She could feel it radiating through the force.

“Go away.” She choked out, her voice barely a whisper.

“You called me.” He snarled. “What did you see.”

“Nothing, Ben.” She gave in and rolled over, meeting his ever-intensifying gaze. He didn’t believe her. “Search my mind.” He could feel her pulse quicken, fear pooling in her gut as she invited him into her thoughts, pushing the images to the surface. 

A shadow crossed over his face. “No.” His tone was soft, wounded almost. _Never again._ His mind reached out, unknowingly. Neither of them was expecting it. He drew a sharp breath and started to retreat. His memories of the interrogation, the pleasure and curiosity that turned to frustration and bewilderment threatened to overwhelm his control and spill into the force where she could see. He enjoyed it. He enjoyed her, having her immobilized, the venom in her voice, the look in her eyes as he violated her mind. _T_ _his is a mistake._ He said over and over as he scrambled in the force, reaching for the door between them. She was going to see it all. The thought froze him to the core. He would lose her.

_Stop._

Her voice flooded the space around him, sinking into his bones. Finally, after days of working himself down, he could feel the wear and tear. There with her. He was tired, taxed. So angry. The storm inside had sucked every ounce of energy he had. And she could feel it. His enemy. She was staring at him, staring through him the way that Snoke had, the way his mother did. And she could see he was weak. For her. With her.

 _No._ Even to his own mind he sounded childish. He could see her anger in her eyes, as she looked at him. She was just as hurt as he was. Lost, but in different ways. _I don’t need this._

She didn’t respond. He watched, frozen, as she rose to her feet and crossed the space between them, close enough to see every detail of the scar on his face. _Her scar._ Whether or not the thought made its way out into the force, he couldn’t tell. Her face was an unreadable mask.

 _We don’t win this war by fighting what we hate. We win by saving what we love._ Her expression didn’t change as the thought crashed into him like waves on the sea. Stunned and silent, she threw him from her mind the door slamming shut behind her. The last thing he saw was her back as she turned away from him.


	2. Slavers Bay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No real warnings. Im 3 chapters in so I thought I would toss another chapter up now, just because. Thank you for the reads and thank you for the Kudos.

Supreme Leader Kylo Ren opened his eyes to his quarters. Black and grey and red. White floors stretching out in front of him. There were no seems, no texture. His world was cold, sterile, clinical. It was a far cry from the warm, dirty hut that _she_ was staying in. He stared blankly at the floor, willing it to turn back to the stone of her hut and cursing at the distance she was putting between them.

Her rejection stung with a ferocity that was quickly becoming all consuming. There was nothing he could do. She had incredible strength when she needed it. She was frustrating. Maddening. He wanted to hit something. Or fuck something. He couldn’t tell which. All he could see was her, whether or not he closed his eyes. She lingered on his edges. He could smell her all around him. He had let himself want the light, just once. _Her._ And then she had taken it from him, turned away from him. Left him standing in the throne room alone, piecing together a plan forward.

Rage had fueled him then, guided him through the battle. Rage at her. Rage at the world. Rage against the light as she took it from him. And then Luke Skywalker appeared on the battlefield.

He shook as his vision bled to red. All he could think was _kill_. Kill the Jedi Master. Old wounds blew wide open as the graying Jedi made his last stand.

The door to his chambers buzzed. If he was to hit something, he would start with whatever poor soul was sent to defy orders and disturb him. “Come in.” He growled.

“Sir, Supreme Leader, sir. We are approaching slavers bay.” Kylo Ren contemplated the news. This could be what he needed. He remained silent, glaring down at the messenger, watching him squirm under his wrathful gaze.

“Gather the Knights and assemble a landing party. I want to speak with them before I go to the surface.”

“Yes Sir.” The messenger squeaked out before scurrying off to fulfill his orders and live another day.

Fuck it is, then. He would never tire of fighting, but sometimes anger needs a different kind of outlet. Snoke had taught him that. He taught him many things about himself, each one reinforcing all the reasons she turned away from him over and over and over. She could never see through his eyes. She could never love him. He would never have her. Every time he reached out to her in the force was just another way to punish himself. To stroke the darkness.

He picked his mask up. It was scarred, just like him. Scarred by her. Knicks and groves and slashes marred it the way only she could. Hundreds had fallen before the mask. Villages, cities, planets, solar systems. All gone. And yet, his power paled in comparison to Darth Vader’s. He was a shadow of his grandfather, a true Sith Lord. She was holding him back. She was calling him to the light. She was robbing him of his power.

He would take her life in return.

*

An hour later, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren paused at the door to the briefing room. He had asked for his Knights, all of them. This was not something they did often. Behind the firmly shut briefing room door was the 6 people left in the world that truly knew and accepted him for who he chose to be. They were his knights, and his oldest allies.

And they were one with the dark side.

Their eyes turned to him as he entered the room. The space was the same smooth, texture less black, white, and grey of the rest of the ship. A long black table rested in the center of the room, his knights flanked around it, on either side. Their masks caught the lighting, making them look like monsters.

In many ways, they all were.

As he entered, the door shut behind him. If they had picked up on anything yet, they didn’t speak or show any signs. He took the long way to his seat at the end, pausing briefly at the window where he raised one gloved hand, signaling them to sit.

They sat in silence, patiently waiting his orders. He looked out on the small solar system around slavers bay. Most of the planets were little blobs of light in the distance, and the rest of his galaxy spread out in the distance, small twinkly lights in a sea of thousands.

“The resistance.” He said finally, the word dripping like acid from his tongue. “General Organa holds much influence in parts of the galaxy. She will begin rebuilding what is left of the resistance. Stop them. No matter the cost. Hunt them down to the edges of the galaxy and wipe them out.”

The knights sat in silence. One by one, each took off their masks. Vicrul, then Kuruk. Neither meeting his eyes as they set their masks before them. Cardo, Ushar, Trudgen, and Ap’Lek followed slowly. “Is this for you, or for the Order.” Vicrul asked quietly. He could see the fire in Kylo Rens eyes. It was not burning for the resistance, or the Order. It was something else, burning under the surface, threatening to boil over. “What about the girl?”

The question hung in the air, thick with the dark side of the force. It emanated from him, filling their lungs. He couldn’t stop it. Visions of her, bloody under his boot, his saber pressed through her soft flesh, filled his mind. They could see it, every inch of his thoughts. Vicrul Ren smiled. “I see. As you wish, Supreme Leader. The resistance will be dead within the week.”

“Dismissed.” He said, a little unsteady from the darkness that coiled in him. The knights got up slowly, placing their masks back on before exiting the room. _She was his. Only his. His to take. His to end._

Alone again, he turned back towards the window, letting his mind feel through the force, to the door that she had shut in his face. There was no running from her. He had tasted her once, in the throne room. Tasted what they could be together.

Now he knew what they were together.

*

He felt nothing as he stepped into the dirty, grimy, slavers den. Every species of alien could be found, it seemed, tucked into corners, bound in chains. He wasn’t looking for just anything. The slavers knew he was coming, so they had pulled together a curated selection to choose from. Dirty and hobbling, he found them on their knees as he entered. Waiting for him. The slaves were as he expected, dirty and unappealing. Nothing close to what he wanted, what he saw in his mind when he had decided to come down to the surface to entertain his _urges._

“Get up.” He snarled, not in the mood to have his ass kissed by some low life slaver. The boy’s bright blue eyes looked up at Kylo Ren briefly before he scrambled to his feet, still bowing.

“Supreme Leader-“he started before Kylo cut him off with a wave of his gloved hand.

“I have come here for one thing. I will find it, and I will take it with us. You will be paid for it. Leave me, now.” His voice came out in almost a whisper. Calm, even, and full of venom. The slaver got the message and quickly made himself scarce, bowing intermittently as he ran from the room.

Fear was thick in the air. First the slavers, then the slaves themselves. He could feel it radiating from every corner, spiking as he walked towards the first row. They had no reason to fear him, most did not even fall into the ballpark of what he wanted.

_Brown hair. Big brown eyes. Sharp features. Fire. Short and thin, but not too thin. Force sensitive._

He felt his way around the room. There were slaves of every color, every walk of life. This hadn’t been his first. Snoke had gifted him one before, shortly after joining. He had chosen one that fought back, to give Kylo someone to overpower.

To get him hungry for it.

As he turned the corner, the force began to hum. He could feel someone, force sensitive. As he approached, he noticed a small collection of girls. Thin, from the same planet. Skin tanned from working in the sun. The force sensitive was hiding among them. They shivered and recoiled as he approached.

All but one.

“What is your name?” He asked. She stared up at him, defiantly. She was not as strong as Rey, but she had fire. Her hair was a light blond, too short to put up in Rey’s usual buns. He could pull it back, it would grow. Hair color could be changed. She was short, fierce. Brown eyes. With the force. He imagined what she would look like once she was clean, her hair dyed. She would look like Rey, or close enough. Her features a little less sharp, her body softer.

He could work with it. He reached out with the force, breaking her chain from the wall and calling it to his hand.

“Leana.” She squeaked as he pulled her up.

“Your name is Rey now, understand?” he asked, not caring who was around to hear.

“Yes sir.” She sounded nothing like Rey. Rey had the force in her voice, this was just a slave. Something to pass his time and take his mind off of what he could not have. _Her._

He said nothing more to her as he walked her towards the entrance. The small, dirty, blue eyed slaver scrambled after them. “Excellent choice, Supreme Leader. We do charge extra for virgins, but please, this is on the house-“ Kylo Ren through a pouch of credits at him, hard enough to knock the wind out of his lungs.

“I was never here.” He said, his voice dripping with the force. The slaver went still.

“You were never here.” He repeated, like a droid.

Satisfied, he stepped out into the market, slave in tow, and handed her to the storm troopers waiting for him to emerge. “Take her to the medical bay. I want her cleaned, tested, hair dyed brown, and delivered to my chambers.”

If the storm troopers had any thoughts about the odd request, they kept it to themselves. His acquisition was loaded onto another transport that was waiting for other slaves that were being bought for the first order. Kylo Ren boarded his shuttle and returned to the Finalizer.


	3. Unseen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some smut. TRIGGER WARNING: This is the start (and end, we shall see) of the non consensual relationship between Kylo and the Slave. Rape warnings.

Poe and Finn stared at Rose; mouths hung open. “You want us to do what?” They choked, almost in unison.

“I need the parts, they have the parts, it is ONE little tiny first order transport.” Rose Tico thought she knew how to get her boys moving, even against direct orders. Finn sighed, shaking his head. “You don’t need to blow it up, just get up there, take off the rear panels and…”

Poe’s face fell. Finn remained quiet. The resistance had lost so much. They had been betrayed, trying to save the day. They cost their friends their lives by going around the acting general and doing things their way. They were reckless. Rose could see the look in Poe’s eyes, a little bit older, more somber. A little bit wiser. He had always been quick to hop in a fighter and blow something up. Its what got them to where they were now. But Poe wasn't ready to jump back into the fight yet.

“Leia said no. We can’t. We have the resistance to think about. Sorry, Rose.” 

She wanted to be determined, to pull out the courage she had on Crait, when she crashed into Finn’s skier and saved his life. But it was gone. She didn’t have the energy now, or the adrenaline. Their lives were not longer in danger. Finn was safe. Poe was alive. They had made it out of the fire. “Maybe I can find a wreckage where one might be. If we can make it there before scrappers, we might just get the parts we need.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Finn said reassuringly. Poe remained silent, getting up and walking back onto the falcon. As he walked away, Rose could have sworn she could smell the distinct scent of liquor on him. The scent disappeared with him, into the Falcon. Rose didn't bring it up.

The resistance had set down on a remote planet, off the beaten track. It was a beautiful forest where Leia had trained with Luke, once upon a time. Staring into the clearing, arm and arm with Finn, curled around a small fire with their closest friends and allies dotting the spaces between the trees, Rose let the guilt drown her.

“Hey, hey, Rose…” Finn said softly, pulling her close. “Its not your fault.” It was almost like he could read her thoughts; he could see into her mind. Bucket by bucket, he cleared the guilt away, until she could breath again. She would always feel guilty. They lost everything. And she made it happen. For the moment, she was at peace, if only momentary. She found it hard to think or talk when he was this close, his skin brushing against hers.

“In the morning.” He whispered in her hair, pressing his lips to her forehead in a gentle but firm kiss. They had shared many of those in the days since Crait.

“In the morning.” She untangled herself from him. “I’m going to take a walk.”

Finn didn’t follow. He stayed by the fire, starring blankly at the flames. Sometimes she wondered if they were all still in shock. First the transports that were taken out, then the acting general took out the enemy in a single strike. Then Luke Sky walker, the last Jedi, passed into the force. Now, Rey. Even General Organa was quiet. There were no rousing speeches, no missions. The whole of the resistance was licking their wounds. 

*

Rey hovered in the air above the small reflecting pool in the temple, her focus bleeding into the force. She had spent the better part of the last week connecting herself to the force, existing in it. Trying to become the Jedi her friends needed. Each day, the bridge that Snoke had built felt farther and farther away. Kylo Ren had stopped knocking, because she stopped answering.

Her days she spent in the temple, her nights by the fire in her hut, reading the pages of the sacred Jedi texts. Each day was easier than the one before, each morning came quicker than the last. Still, there was no answer in the force. The Jedi masters would not answer her calls.

“Be with me.”

No answer.

She reached out with the force. She could feel the island, the balance of light and dark, the well that called down below. _You went straight to it. You didn’t even try._ Luke’s words echoed in her mind. The masters weren’t answering because of her darkness.

As her mind turned to it, remembering the feel of it, the emptiness and loneliness, the door to Kylo began to creak open.

“No… No… No…” She clamored for the light, but she was frozen in place, hung above the reflecting pool, surrounded by the force that was pushing and pulling her, an ebb and flow. The two forces drawn together over and over, washing over her.

“Rey…” His voice was cold. Her eyes snapped open, but she was alone. All alone. She breathed a sigh of relief. He wasn’t there, the door was closed. His voice had been a thought, carried through the crack to her. He must have felt her reaching out, felt her darkness.

She set herself down, the cool water of the pool washing over her bare feet. The room was bathed in soft orange red light as the sun had begin to set. She abandoned the temple for the night, making her way back to the stone hut.

Every day she wondered how Luke had spent so many years on the island without going mad. She had been there for a week and she was starting to go mad. She hadn’t heard her own voice out loud in days. There was nothing to talk to. The caretakers were usually quiet and out of sight, the porgs enjoyed squealing and playing but generally flew away upon her approach. He had been there for years.

“Rey…” His voice came again, though he wasn’t reaching out to her. He was calling out, but it wasn’t her mind he was trying to reach. Curiously, Rey slipped into her hut and took a quick seat on the mattress, reaching out for his mind before it slipped away from her. She stepped into his chambers behind him, out of sight, unguarded. He didn’t know that she was there, his mind too consumed with something she couldn’t place that he couldn’t feel anything as she crept in closer. “Rey.” He groaned, his head rolling back.

Rey stopped dead in her tracks. There were bottles on the table around him. _Liquor._ He was half dressed, other clothing she faintly recognized was scattered around the floor. And he was moving from the hips, thrusting up against something. Chains rattled, strangled breathing filled the air, the force concentrated around something in front of him. Her heart sank into her stomach, screaming at her. _Don’t look._

One more step and she could see it. The object of his attention. She had never been one for mirrors, but she assumed this is what she would look like, sprawled out on Kylo Ren’s bed, in a force choke hold, clothes torn or missing. Kylo between her legs, pounding away.

He was enjoying himself. The way her look alike squirmed and moaned and gasped underneath his relentless pace. The other Rey looked tired, worn. She had bruises in many places, and teeth marks along her shoulders and thighs. Rey suspected they were other places that were covered with all to familiar clothing at the moment. Deep, angry, red slashes from a light saber marked her legs in a few places. This wasn’t the first time he had done this with her. Rey backed away quickly, slipping away before Kylo could sense that she was there and collapsed into her mattress. The sickness she felt was like a sea in a storm, churning inside her.

Even as he held her look alike down and had his way, he was still angry. He seethed. She couldn’t tell where the anger ended, and he began. It was nothing like the way he had felt in the throne room. There was no balance, only unrelenting anger. Rey couldn’t tame the sickness. Scrambling to her knees she pulled herself out of the hut in time to hurl into the grass beside it.

Maybe he was too far gone to be redeemed.

Rey didn’t know when she pulled herself back inside, but sleep was instantaneous and restless. She woke to the pounding rain on the roof of her hut, her stomach still in knots. Her mouth was disgusting, from the multiple rounds of vomit that she had endured the night before.

Shaking, she pulled herself up, pulling a small bottle of water out of her bag and some mouthwash tabs and popped two in.

The last week, in stolen moments throughout the days, when the madness had begun to set in, she had let part of her mind be consumed with thoughts of redemption.

_Her, Ben, and Leia on a beach somewhere, surrounded by crystal blue oceans and green mountains._

_Ben flying the falcon. Chewy in the co-pilot seat._

_Ben._

In her weakest moments, when she laid in bed after a long day of training in the temple and reading through the Jedi texts, she would think of them _together. Stolen moments and forehead kisses. Sweaty, naked bodies rolling between sheets._

And then the force bond, the image, _what he was doing._

This wasn’t Ben, it was Kylo Ren.

Kylo Ren who wanted her beneath him, not beside him.

Kylo Ren who wanted to hurt her, use her.

Kylo Ren who was hurting and using and punishing some poor, scared, force sensitive girl that looked _just like Rey._

The nausea came back, not as strong this time. Slowly she picked herself up and walked outside, desperately needing the fresh air. Fresh air and someone to talk to, alone on a deserted island. Her frustration peaked, the darkness in the force lapping at it eagerly.

Rain soaked her clothes, her hair sticking to her face as it washed over her in a thousand tiny rivers. Her knees hit the muddy ground as a scream tore through her chest, echoing off the mountain like thunder in the storm.

_Find the light._ A voice reached out to her. Not Kylo Ren or Ben Solo. It was a Jedi, a voice of light melded with the force.

Luke.

She looked up into the sky that seemed to be falling around her. _Find the light._

She closed her eyes, sinking into the force, letting her mind expand outside her tiny island, reaching for friendship, warmth. Love. The rebellion swam into focus. It was different from the way she peered into Kylo. They weren’t figures as much as they were blobs of light, radiating. Beacons of hope shining across the galaxy. Finn was easy to locate. Like an open port, she softly brushed his mind with hers.

_Finn…_ She whispered. He wouldn’t be able to respond. She knew that. But she couldn’t help calling out. He could feel her there, she realized as she felt his attention turn to her. _Finn…_ She repeated. She was screaming it out loud, the whole of the island reverberating her pain across the galaxy, through the force.

She pressed her thoughts to his, as hard as she could. _I need you guys. Please. Please don’t leave me here._ Her desperation rippled through the force. She never did this, for anything. She never reached out like this. Except for Ben, she remained an island. But she needed them. She needed them more than she had ever needed another person in her entire life. If that made her weak, so be it. She was too exhausted to care.

Finn pulled away from her, unable to respond. She had no way of knowing if he had gotten the message. As his light flickered out, she felt the darkness creeping in, pulling her down. Inch by inch, she pulled herself back into the hut before it claimed her mind.

*

There was a shift in the force. The darkness was celebrating its most recent victory. He could feel it swell with pride at its newest conquest. A small smile pulled at his lips as he carried his Rey back into her room. She had fallen asleep at his feet after a long night of fucking. He could still smell himself on her as he set her down on her bed and pulled the covers over her.

He knew that it wasn’t his Rey. It was a fake that he had bought to quell the urges and give him back his control. And it was working. He sat in the dark of her room, watching her chest rise and fall as she slept, and wondered how long she would hold out. He wasn’t holding anything back from this fake Rey. She took the brunt of it, eagerly. She soaked it up, but he could see the fear that lingered in the back of her eyes.

_Just make it through this and it will be over._ She would think to herself, over and over. He blocked it out most of the time, occasionally dipping into her mind to hear the truths she left unsaid. He would hurt her, but she wouldn’t cry out. Because she was waiting. Waiting for him to see her as a human again. She was waiting for him to show her kindness, as she had seen before. And he kept stringing her along.

He knew this needed to end. He knew that he should let her go, but he was so much better now. He wasn’t ready to give her up. The real Rey would never give into his desires like she did.

The thought stuck in the back of his throat. It had been days since he had reached out to her through the force. Their bond was still there, lingering, but he hadn’t reached for it. He had been too preoccupied with his pet to seek her out. Curiously, he reached for the bridge.

A shiver ran down his spine as he grasped it. Darkness was pooling in the crevices, overflowing from the other side. _Rey_. It should have brought him joy. Her pain and loneliness radiated through the door in a way that he had never seen from her before.

She had no defenses up. He slipped into her mind easily. She was in her room, the one with stone walls and dirt floors. He could see her, curled up on the bed. Her eyes were red, but her tears had long since dried up. He had never seen her like this. Even when he probed her mind, she had never fallen this hard into despair.

And now she was here. She was weak, vulnerable. A dark beacon, shimmering through the galaxy. He could find her, easily. He realized. He could cross the stars. She was ripe for the taking.

_But why?_ The question lingered in his mind as he watched her sleep. _Why?_

He pressed her thoughts, reaching for her dreams. The images came in flashes and impressions.

She knelt outside her hut, vomiting into the grass, choking on tears. Her knuckles were white and her hands bloody from where she clutched the rocks. Her cries were like nothing he had ever heard. And then she was back in her hut, the force humming quietly around her. There was no fear, no anger, no despair. She was at peace, pressing through the force until she stood behind him in his chambers. Chains rattled, and he could hear himself gasping in her memory, two soft tanned legs dangling from either side of his hips.

His blood ran cold, snapping him out of her memories. _She knew._ She had seen him with his pet Rey. His slave. And it broke her. He broke her. His mind was reeling, his grip on their bond fading quickly. He looked down at her again. She was awake, but barely. Her eyes didn’t want to open. She was struggling to breath.

All at once he knew. She hadn’t eaten since that night or drank anything. Slowly, she was fading to nothing.

Because she no longer wanted to be here. She didn’t want to eat. She didn’t want to drink. She didn’t want to breath anymore. It hurt her too much.

_He had hurt her too much._

She stared out through dead eyes. She didn’t move, she just stared at him.

“You’re revolting.” She whispered. Her voice was gone, screamed out into the wind until she had nothing left.

Her words cut through him in a way her anger never had before. She had tried to kill him. Multiple times. This was different. In that moment, he wanted her to kill him like he had never wanted anything before. _Get up._ He yelled across the force, his voice abandoning him. _Fight me. Kill me._ He screamed at her.

She closed her eyes, fresh tears rolling down her cheeks.

“I’m coming for you.” He choked out, finding his voice.

_I’m coming._

Their bond shimmered away, and he found himself seated on his pet Rey’s bed in the darkness, his hands balled into fists so tight that his nails broke the skin. She was still sleeping, blissfully unaware. He looked down at her with disgust. She would be long gone by the time he returned. With a quiet grace, he stood and strode out of the room without a second glance.

“Guard.” He called, his voice even. His face an unreadable mask.

“Supreme Leader, sir.” A guard said, appearing in his doorway.

“Get my ship ready. I have important business to attend to. The slave, I want her gone by the time I return.” He didn’t wait for the reply from the guard before he stepped into his bathroom, the door sliding shut behind him.

He would find her, and he would bring her to the dark side.


	4. Rescue Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: References to depression and suicidal Ideation. No self harm though.

Lando Calrissian stepped off a small salvage ship what had touched down in the clearing outside of camp. Finn stood behind Poe; one arm wrapped casually over Rose’s shoulder. Things had gotten better since the night by the fire. Rose didn’t bring up the salvaging mission again, and Poe had been sober for the better part of the week.

Lando, a long-time ally of the rebellion, had the first shipment of support. Where he had acquired the ships, Finn had no idea, but none the less, Lando showed up with 5. All small enough to hide in the forests without drawing too much attention to their little corner of the galaxy. There were 3 freighters, a scavenger ship, and a starfighter in poor shape but fixable.

“Leia!” He called out, stepping off the ramp. Finn hadn’t met Lando before, but news that he was coming had spread like wildfire through their small camp the second that he got word to them. Rose was a fit of nervous energy, dying to get her hands on something she could fix or build. Lando’s arrival was a promise of a future for the rebellion. This is where they would start getting back on their feet.

Finn didn’t share their joy. It had been a few days since he had felt the presence. It was like a sudden wave of despair and desperation washed over him. Something was screaming at him; he just couldn’t tell what. It bothered him. Something was wrong. The rest of the rebels greeted Lando and the other pilots and sympathizers turned rebels that he had brought with him with enthusiasm and hope. They were hopeful again. They had a purpose.

They were ready to get back in the fight, even if that fight was a long time away. General Organa met Lando with a warm smile and a quick embrace before walking back into her tent, what was left of the leadership hanging around the edges. Finn let go of Rose as she bounced with nervous energy, her eyes flipping between crafts, unsure of where to pounce.

“Starfighter, love.” He recommended, answering the silent question she hadn’t had a chance to voice. Her smile was deafening, as was her squeal of delight.

“On it!” She called, running, skipping, almost dancing to the starfighter on the far end of the clearing. Finn was content to watch her, though her joy was contagious.

He stood in place a good while longer, staring at the fighter she had long since disappeared into. His thoughts were pulling him away from reality again, a bad habit he had found himself with since the presence. He didn’t know how much time had passed before he felt a gentle nudge on his arm. He turned to see the General, looking up at him with her all-knowing eyes.

She knew what he had felt, even if he hadn’t voiced it. “I was wondering if you were going to say something, or if I had to bring it up.”

A pang of guilt rang through him. “I’m sorry, ma’am.” He said, quickly diverting his eyes to the dirt on the ground.

Silence fell between the two for some time. Finn couldn’t tell if the General was probing his mind with the force, or if she was simply waiting for him to speak. Finding his voice, he brought his gaze up to meet hers. “It happened a few mornings ago. I don’t know what it was, I just felt this… I don’t know. It was…”

“Rey.” She finished for him. _Rey._ Finn hadn’t known, hadn’t even considered it could have been her. He felt his chest constrict. General Organa saw the emotions flit across his face as he began to spiral.

_It was Rey. Rey was in trouble. Rey needed him. Rey was reaching out and he… he didn’t even know it was her._

“What if we’ve lost her.” The words tumbled out of his mouth, his breath catching in his throat.

“Rey has a light that can never be snuffed out. Sometimes, she just needs someone to remind her of that.” Her voice was firm but soft and gentle, bringing Finn out of his spiral. “Take Rose and Poe, and one of the freighters. You should reach Ach’to in a few days’ time.”

“Yes ma’am.” They shared one last lingering look and somehow, Finn knew that everything was going to be okay.

“Rose! Poe!” Finn called as he ran through the camp. Rose was still tucked into the engine compartment of the Starfighter while Poe was up in the cockpit, checking out the controls. “Guys grab your stuff. We got to go.” He could hear the frenzy in his voice. It sounded strange even to his own ears. He was vaguely reminded of the time Kylo Ren had kidnapped Rey and he chased down the craft, screaming her name. This felt like that, only worse.

Because this time she had called out to him for help, and he didn’t come to help her. But he was going to now. He was going, and he was going to save her.

*

Kylo Ren dropped out of light speed just outside the orbit of an uncharted planet in the middle of nowhere.

_I will follow you across the stars._

His words rang in his ears as he eased his craft in range of her. He had crossed the galaxy, weaving in and out of solar systems, chasing her darkness like a beacon. Every single one turned up nothing.

Until now.

He could feel her on the surface below. She was almost gone. It had taken him too long. Everything was taking too long. Time seemed to slow around him as he neared his goal, only serving to stroke his frustration.

She was ready for the dark side.

He had her in his grasp.

He reached out through the force, her mind still open and unguarded. Unchanged. The events had overwhelmed her and dragged her under.

_His Rey._

The island came into focus as he cleared the atmosphere. Anticipation radiated off him like a nervous energy. He couldn’t sit still any longer. Setting his craft to auto land, he bounced out of his seat and made his way to the door. The landing gear engaged, and he felt the familiar shudder as the feet touched down.

He was seconds away from her.

The hangar door began to lower, but he was out before it touched down, his boots sinking into the soft, damp grass. He could see the huts, whose insides he dreamed about, looking out over the cliffs above. He didn’t wait, didn’t think. The ground moved underneath him, slowly at first, and then faster. His legs burn but he barely registered it as he ran up the mountain.

_Almost._

Even before he reached the door, he could feel her. She had given up; she had hit bottom. Her defenses were down, and most importantly, she was utterly alone.

_Not anymore._

He threw the door open with the force as he approached. Nothing was going to stand in his way. Nothing.

Rey of Jakku was small. Smaller than he had ever seen her. She was curled up in a ball, her body limp. The Jedi Masters had left her, her friends as well. She stared up at him, silently, as if she were patiently awaiting her death.

The sight of her stopped him dead in his tracks. His palms began to sweat in his thick leather gloves. He had done this to her. The dark side of the Force didn’t look good on her, the way he had dreamed it would. This was not the Empress he had dreamed up, standing beside him on a gilded throne, the galaxy at their feet.

He could feel the threads of Ben Solo that had yet to be cut stir within him, reaching for the light. _For her_. Ben would save her, without a second thought. Ben would give his life to see that she lives again. But he was not Ben Solo. He was Kylo Ren, standing over his sworn enemy, the last hope of the Jedi and the Resistance. No, Kylo Ren would not save her.

Even as the thought crossed his mind, he found himself on his knees, scooping her limp lifeless body into his arms. She was smaller than she had been on Takodana. More fragile than he remembered. She had such fire in her then as she fired her blaster at him, scrambling to get away. There was nothing he loved more than a challenge.

Perhaps that was where his obsession began.

He had run to her before, but now as she was tucked into his arms, where he could feel her every breath against the exposed skin on his neck, he didn’t rush.

He would bring her back, if only to strike her down. There was no challenge in killing one that was already dead.

Stepping into his craft, he crossed the small space to his room on board. A medical droid hummed on the shelf, waiting to tend to his newest acquisition. Gently, he set her down on his bed, tucking her into his sheets. If she was awake, she left her eyes closed and didn’t struggle.

He was happy that she had closed her eyes, surrendering to him. Her blank stare when he entered the hut was sharper than any blade. Even without stirring, she cut through him to his soul, digging at the box he buried Ben Solo in.

“Heal her.” He snapped at the droid, leaving the room in a flurry of black cape. He would stay in the cockpit. He would stay away from her until she regained her fire, her light. And then he would fight her, and he would win.

As the door closed, he could see her face tucked between blankets, hair skewed, cheeks hollow.

_How did we end up here?_

*

The freighter chugged along in hyperspace. “Can this piece of junk move any faster.” Finn grumbled, more to himself than anyone else. In close quarters, every whisper sounded like shouting. Rose groaned and rolled her eyes, sinking into the chair next to him.

“No.” This was not the first time they had had the conversation about why the 19-year-old junk freighter that had been pieced together in a salvage yard. It had a faulty hyperdrive, and they didn’t have the parts to fix it or the time to stop.

Rose pursed her lips, watching Finn closely as he stared out the window at the galaxy as it moved slowly by. If his hair was grown out, he would be pulling it. It was unsettling to her, to see him so wound up. She didn’t ask before they took off, and each passing day made the subject more and more tense.

_Rey._

_“We’re going to Jakku. Rey needs us.” Finn said, slinging his bag up into the freighter. Jumped up at the prospect, eager to get back into action. Rose followed along, still giddy from the surge of supplies and things to do._

_As they climbed in after him, she looked back to see General Organa, one hand resting softly on her cane, a twinkle in her eyes._

_Everything was going to be fine._

But things were falling apart. Spurt by spurt, they had skidded across the galaxy, the hyperdrive needing more and more time between skips. And Finn getting more and more anxious.

Rose cast a tentative glace back at Poe who seemed to be dead to the world, his arm thrown dramatically over his eyes as he leaned back on the bench.

“Finn…” Rose said softly, placing a firm but gentle hand on his shoulder as she leaned across the seats to close the distance. “You never told me what was going on with Rey on Ach’to.”

It wasn’t a question. It was a gentle reminder that he could let her in too. His eyes searched her face, asking for something. _Forgiveness._

“Rey reached out to me through the force. She was in trouble. Something had gone wrong and I didn’t recognize that it was her.” Finn breathed out, quickly averting his gaze. “I’m scared, Rose. I failed her.”

It was more than he had said about it in days. It was hard for her to understand what he was feeling, not having the force or being force sensitive like Rey and Finn were. Most of it went over her head, but in that moment, she realized that it didn’t matter. She didn’t need to understand to be there for him.

“We haven’t failed her yet. This is not over.” Rose sounded more confident then she felt. Finn was shaken to the core, and her words barely scratched the surface. He could see that she was trying. Slowly he reached up, covering her tiny hand with his. She could feel the callouses from years of work with his hands, first in the First order and then with the resistance. They were scratchy and rough, but warm and homey.

They fell into silence, looking out the window, hand in hand. Racing the clock.


	5. Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: This gets really depressing. Sorry. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has read this far and has bookmarked and commented. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I feel like I have been breaking down these characters long enough, its time for a bounce back. 
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr @vampirewithbedsidemanners. I try to post updates and content regularly. Search #Reylo or #Unspoken for chapter updates and one shots or spin offs.

When Rey came too, her hut was gone. Her sleep had been deep and relentless. She vaguely remembered a dream where Kylo Ren appeared in the door and carried her away, but the details were too fuzzy to grasp. Every inch of her body hurt, especially along her right arm. Her eyes took a moment to focus, and she struggled to wipe the grogginess from them. The last few days had been hard. She had struggled like that only once before, shortly after her parents had left her on Jakku. She had convinced herself that they were dead and never coming back. The loneliness then had no rival. The darkness had called her, so loud she feared it would overwhelm any will to live.

This was different. 6-year-old Rey had never seen the darkest parts of her soul. She had never seen friends cut down. She had never peered into the mind of a monster, fixated on a person she would die before she let herself become _._

_The Rey that sat on the throne beside Kylo Ren, black cloak pooling on the floor around her seat. Her saber red, like his._

In her fitful sleep, she could feel her darker self, pressing in at the edges. Making herself at home. She no longer lived in the fantasy of a monster. She had become a part of Rey, a part that she never wanted.

Her surroundings began to come into focus. The ceiling was smooth and black. The same as the walls. She was inside a small cube, tucked into black sheets that were soft to the touch, and surprisingly warm given their weight. Nothing was making sense.

The force that hummed around her had an edge to it that wasn’t there before. Her mind, still foggy from the spiral she had weathered, was grappling at her surroundings, finding nothing to hold onto. She inched herself up, the movement met with a series of mechanical whines from a droid tucked into a cubby on the wall. The droid was black with silver accents.

Her mouth felt dry. _A first order droid._ She gripped the blankets sitting up. Pieces fell slowly into place as she got her bearings. The nightmare, where she was in his grasp once more, was not a nightmare but a memory.

 _Just like her memories of that night._ Unwelcome images flashed through her thoughts, stirring the darker Rey from the depths of her consciousness. This hadn’t been Leia’s intention when she sent Rey to the island. Rey was here to find the light, to begin her journey to becoming the Jedi that the resistance needed.

That she needed to become.

It was a tangible goal. Something that would wipe away all the hurt and pain and grief. She would be in control again. She would find peace. She would find answers. She yearned for that closure.

She yearned for that freedom. And even as she willed herself to get up, to fight, she found herself frozen. She could still feel they places the dark side of the force dug into when Kylo had interrogated her. They ran over her skin, into her light like scars. He had sliced her up, digging around in her head like a scavenger. The black walls began to close in on her, lighting the spark. She hadn’t felt like this since her time on the Starkiller base. She had been so sure then, what was right and what was wrong. Her light had burned so bright the whole galaxy could hear her.

Her legs groaned underneath her as she rose from the bed, the sheets pooling around her bare ankles. Her clothes were gone, replaced by crisp black leggings that stopped just past her knees and a long-sleeved black shirt. It reminded her vaguely of the clothing that Finn had been wearing when they first met. Standard issue first order underclothes.

She didn’t let her mind think about how she ended up in these, her hair washed and clean. All she could see in her mind when she closed her eyes was _her_ sprawled out on these sheets, tears in her eyes as he did all the things he wanted to do to Rey, to a girl who had no wish to be there.

Where before the thought had brought her down, hard, in an endless spiral, they now gave her strength. Her fire was back, with a vengeance, just as the door to the room slid open.

Kylo Ren was taller than she remembered him to be. He towered over her; his brown eyes set in a hard line. If she had been looking for compassion, she wouldn’t find it here. He was stiff, clad in black from the neck down. She thought she could see a smile on his lips that he was trying to hide.

She had no weapons on her other than the force. It would be a battle of wills and strength if she tried to fight her way out with only that. She found herself with hands up in a defensive posture, ready to strike. Her body reacted to the situation her mind could barely process.

“You’re a monster.” She spat, the words carrying more venom than they had in her mind. She could see herself seething, shaking, untapped anger boiling over; and she was watching it, through a windowpane. A silent observer.

He remained still; his expression unchanged aside from a shadow that passed through his eyes. _Longing?_

“Feeling better?” the question was rhetorical. It hung in the air between them. After so many days of hearing him through the force, it was strange to hear it in person. Different, somehow. His voice was softer than it was in the force conversations. Less impatient. There was no bite to his words.

Her blood ran cold. She could still feel his sheets on her skin, smell him in her hair just from sleeping where he slept. She felt as if she would never be clean again. Her skin crawled at the thought. Her anger raged like the sea, her body barely able to contain it. He didn’t have a chance to look surprised as she threw him from the doorway with the force.

The sound of his broad shoulders crashing into the wall rang in her ears as the world went silent. He was reaching out through their bond, to show her what she wouldn’t allow him to say.

 _No._ She screamed at the top of her lungs, a blood curdling, soul tearing scream. It pushed him back, gave her space to breath and move. She was free, if only it was temporary. She made it into the hallway, most of the way to the ramp that stood open. Soft grey light lit the entrance, the smell of damp grass and sea and rain filling the room, washing her clean.

 _Ach’to_. Relief washed over her. She was still on the island. Life and light reached out to her and she to it.

It was short lived. Invisible tendrils of darkness snapped around her, grounding her where she stood. It was an infection in the light, this darkness. It wasn’t the balance; it was something else. They reached around her, up to her neck, suffocating her.

_You will hear me._

He pressed his mind to her. She could feel him rise up behind her, slowly making his way to her. Slowly, purposefully. He didn’t waver. He didn’t hesitate. He knew what he wanted, and he would take it. He was Supreme Leader now. He wouldn’t take no.

Rey pushed back. It was a battle of wills. The interrogation room came flooding back. She remembered the vague outline of Ben Solo, buried beneath the monster. She remembered his pain. She faltered, Kylo Ren breaking down her walls like a wave against a sandcastle.

She couldn’t stop. Even in her darkest moments, she searched for the presence. There was something there, something she had been missing. Answers. Every time he touched her mind, and the air around her hummed with the balance, the bond between them, she was drawn to it.

He was using that. Using her weakness against her.

Another step, and he was behind her, a breadth apart. She could feel him, a solid tangible outline in the force. His mind poured into hers like hot magma, his memories filling her mind. He was letting her see it all, _everything._

_Her._

She saw herself in his visions: saw how he wanted her. Her clothes were black, like his. Her hair darker, her eyes brimming with gold, then red. Back and forth. She pushed, he pulled, as they danced. They were sparring, she realized. He dreamed about fighting her. He dreamed about turning her, having her fall in line beside him.

He couldn’t do this without her. He didn’t have to say it, it seeped off him in waves that left a soft, tender caress over her bruised skin. It was her opening.

“You don’t know what you want, do you?” She asked. There was no menace in her voice. She understood now. She understood him.

“I have always known what I want. I want you to turn.” He spoke plainly, but she could see his guard up. If she could look into his eyes, she knew what she would find there, if only a shadow. _Ben._

“But before that. Before me. You have never known yourself. You do what you think will make you happy. You’re chasing a future you can never have.”

“I have what I want, right now.” His teeth were clenched, his mind growing taunt. His force grip slipped, ever so slightly. She took it.

She threw the doors open, her mind like cold ocean waves over his magma. She turned on him, face to face, her head not even reaching his chin. She pushed, letting her memories wash over him. Memories, not dreams.

_Han sat in the pilot’s chair, leaned back in that all to comfortable way. Chewy had gone off to get something warm to drink. Rey was curled up in his seat, Han’s jacket tucked around her small frame, a sleepy smile on her lips._

_“Its your turn, Chewy.” Fin called out, somewhere out of sight. Rey’s heart swelled with contentment. This is what she had been missing. All those years, all those tallies on a wall. This is all she had wanted. Han looked over at her, quietly._

_“Wanna hear another story?” He had a lazy grin on his face, his eyes filled so much joy. Chewy grumbled out some thing in the back that Rey didn’t catch._

_“Oh come on, it’s a good story.” Han laughed. Rey laughed. Chewy smiled. The Falcon was peaceful. “Okay, so this one time, Leia, Luke, Chewy, and I were back to back, storm troopers everywhere…”_

Rey’s memories faded away, draining from Kylo Ren’s mind as if she had pulled the plug. If he had faltered, she didn’t catch it. It was happier than he had ever seen his father. He had very few good memories of his childhood, where Snoke had not been whispering in his mind.

He had never had this one. This was special, for Rey and Rey alone. He doubted he would have ever seen the day where he and his dad sat in the cockpit of the Falcon in such peace. Han had always seemed distant, unsure of what was right or wrong. He could see the fear in his dad’s eyes, every time he looked at Ben. He was afraid that he was doing it all wrong. That he was screwing up being a dad. Sitting still, settling down, staying in one place was never something he had been good at. But Rey was different. He wasn’t afraid.

“He loved you. He wanted what was best for you. He just didn’t know how to give you that.” She pressed forward. She wasn’t holding Kylo in place. He was free to move around, but he was frozen. In fear, in anger. She couldn’t tell. She didn’t care.

_Nine year old Rey pulled herself out of the scrap pile. One dirty, grimy hand after another, she pulled herself up. The day had been a bust. There was nothing to be salvaged, which meant no food for the night. She was exhausted. She collapsed with a huff on the sand beside the pile, her nine year old mind slowly numbing to the thought ‘today is the day I die’._

_It used to bring her nightmares. The thought. She would think about succumbing, the everlasting night carrying her away. And then she would picture her parents touching down in a ship, racing to the door to find her lifeless on the ground. Her mother would fall to her knees, scooping her up in her arms, tears streaming down her face._

_Rey would start crying then. Crying for them. Crying for herself. Crying for the whole, stupid, sand filled waste of a world. In the morning, after a night of crying until she was so sick that she was grateful there hadn’t been any dinner, she would wake with new determination. Now, there was only this empty feeling as she stared at the ceiling of her hut, waiting for the darkness to claim her. The sun would touch her face, streaming through the cracks in her hut, and she knew that she would not die that day. Maybe tomorrow._

_Her parents, who once had faces, lingered in her subconscious as vague outlines. The older she got, the farther away they became._

She could see tears in his eyes that mirrored her own. He didn’t just see her memories, he felt them. Everything she felt, everything she remembered feeling, true or not. He wanted to see her scars, now he was.

_Ten year old Rey was much like 9 year old Rey. The only difference was she had begun lying to herself. ‘My parents will be back soon.’ She would say, every morning as she loaded her gear up and headed out to the wreckage._

_Ten year old Rey was not as sad. She didn’t dream of the darkness. She bought into a delusion that her parents were alive and waiting to come back. It was easier than being realistic. Ten year old Rey did not have many friends. She had learned to fight, to protect herself. The other scavengers didn’t like what she could do, so they stayed away._

_She was that girl who was abandoned. When they felt like being mean, she was their favorite target. A large boy, thin but tall, with sandy brown hair and dingy brown eyes laughed, towering over her. ‘Your parents don’t love you, why do you think they left you here.’ He said, kicking her._

_‘You’re wrong!’ She screamed. Over and over. He laughed. Her staff came down on his head, in one swift motion. Thick red blood gushed from where the blunt force split the skin on his scalp._

_‘You’re a freak. No wonder they left you. Nobody could love a freak like you.’_

_You’re wrong._

She was gasping for air. The sensation dragged her out of his head. Kylo Ren stood in front of her, one black, gloved hand wrapped around her throat. His eyes were filled with madness. She had pushed him, maybe too far. She couldn’t tell. The room around her began to blur.

“No one will love a freak like you.” Her tormentors words had been his worst nightmare come to life.

“Get out of my head.” His words were like venom.

“ _Put her down, now._ ” _Finn._

He had been so wrapped up in her head, her memories, he hadn’t sensed Finn barging in. She hadn’t sensed him either, if she was being honest. There was this blank space where she and Ben existed that was somehow separate from the rest of the world. When she stepped through that door, she was fighting a whole other war.

But then, there was Finn. He wasn’t her dyade in the force. He was a friend. He was a calming presence. He was… He was Finn. From the moment she had taken his hand, back on Jakku, everything had felt right. He was right. They fit together in a way that she and Ren never would. Not even if he turned to the light.

She felt his hand release, air flooding back into her lungs and her vision beginning to clear. He didn’t move his hand from her throat, just released the pressure. For a moment, it felt like he was running his thumb across the place where it had dug in, as if to remove the mark his choke-hold would leave.

“Go.” His voice was tight. Strangled almost.

_Go._

In a sweeping motion, she pushed him back. Not to hurt him. She couldn’t look at Finn, she kept her back to him as she backed down the ramp, pulling the insides of his ship down around him. Their connection wavered and faded, slowly, as the distance between them grew.

“LET’S GO. REY!” Finn yelled as her heals hit the grass. His hand grabbed hers, pulling her behind him. She could hear the urgency in his voice, feel it trembling in him, but she was calm.

The calm before the storm.


End file.
